Faith ~ Family ~ Freedom
The meaning of Family has changed for me since losing Rhys. The importance hasn't changed, it has just become so much more. Some of my new friends are as close as blood relatives, always there to lend a helping hand, listening with a non-judgmental ear and caring heart, praying always praying for us..
To my great shame some of my actual family have grown distant, relationships strained through neglect or misunderstanding. My brothers and sisters were never really close, I often thought that we must have been raised in different homes, their recollections of our youth is nothing like mine. But being raised in a family of 5 kids separated by 12 year will do that I guess.
I loved my dad but he spent a lot of time being angry, as he got older he mellowed out a bit but I always thought he was a negative influence on the way my family (dis) functioned. He died a couple years before Rhys was killed and I watched the family start to drift apart. I never realized he was what was holding it together. He and Rhys had a special relationship and I am glad that he was already gone when Rhys was killed, it would have broken his heart. Rhys’ death has increased the divide in the family but I am praying hard for the Lords help repairing the damage.
Rhys is my only child with my loving wife of 28 years but I actually have another son, Michael, through a previous marriage long ago discarded like an old pair of shoes. Michael & I had been estranged for almost 15 years, since he was 13, he just popped up one day, with a new name, someone I hardly recognized. So much wasted time, so much water under the bridge.
My relationship with Stephanie, Rhys’ wife, is getting better every day. I always thought she knew how much I loved her and welcomed her into the family but after Rhys was killed things changed, everything went on tilt!. In our effort to adjust to the “new normal” we got off to a rocky start, mostly my fault I guess, I just assumed too much.
I don’t really know where it went wrong but I do know it took time, a lot of praying, and a lot of tears to set it right. I am so grateful that the Lord was there to help US get through the hardest of times and set our path straight again. Stephanie has stepped up to the challenge of being a single mother with strength and humility. No doubt she is a different person and mother than she would have been if Rhys had come home and were here to help raise London, but she is a great mother and Rhys would be so proud of her.
The heavenly blessing called London Eevie Klasno set our whole world right again. It is so wonderful being a grandparent, I love being Grandpa Mike! London is absolutely beautiful. At 18 months she is fully aware of her hold on us, funny, inquisitive, full of energy and a smile that lights up the room.
In November, 2009 Lynn and I will have been married for 28 years. Over that span of time we have both accomplished a great deal, personally and professionally, but nothing more important than raising a wonderful son.
For 20 years God gave us the responsibility and priveledge of raiseing his child and we are eternally grateful for every minute. I am sure Lynn would tell you Rhys taught us more than we taught him, every day was an adventure. Most importantly, through Rhys we found Grace in Gods love and redemption in the blood of Jesus. Our family has survived some rough patches of late and has been forced to make changes and adjustments but one thing has been a constant from day one, our love and commitment to each other. I love you Lynn and that will never change. Thank You for being a wonderful wife, loving mother, incredible lover, and a tested and true friend.
For those of you who are suffering the same awful emptiness that Lynn and I have felt this last year I want to offer this short poem. Edgar Guest was a prolific American poet and celebrated author of the early 20th century who I recently re-discovered. He was considered "the poet of the people" I hope you enjoy this and get as much solace from it as we do.
I Lend You a Child?
I'll lend you a child of mine for a little time, He said
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when his dead.
It may be six or seven year, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth, return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain.
Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say:
Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy thy child shall bring, the risk of grief will run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness; will love him while we may.
And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay;
But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.
Edgar Guest
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